How do we move on? Does it happen slowly or all at once? Do the wounds of our past ever heal or are we left with scars across our hearts?
I have this pain in my chest. It burns as if my collarbones have been scrubbed with sandpaper. I know I need to let go of this pain, to let go of my past, but it feels as though something is unfinished. It has been years, yet I still flinch. I still experience gut wrenching guilt. I still wonder what would have been if I had continued down a different path. I wonder if they still think of me and hope that they don't.
Do they know how deeply I've been affected? I want to be stronger than this. I want to be a fucking beast who doesn't look back, who doesn't allow anyone to get in my head. But my nerves are still raw. Iambetterthanthis. At least, I want to be. How many years do I wait until I am free?
I want to be a phoenix. I want to be able to set myself on fire, burn to the ground, and then rise from the ashes of my history. I want to be fresh. I want to be new again. I want innocence to flow through my veins like blood. I want to flourish. But most of all, I just want to be free.